Sexual Harassment at Universities in Melbourne – Support Group
If you have had an experience of subtle sexual harassment at a university in Melbourne, please make contact. The purpose of this group is to offer emotional support to those who do not feel heard or feel demonised by raising sexual harassment allegations or complaining about subtle sexual harassment. This at its core is power games where a person is not being up front and honest about the situation.
In my experience very few deeply understand the reality for targets. This group is to show respect, compassion and understanding for those who do not feel heard and cannot find a way to resolve the matter. If you feel suicidal, note I am not a counsellor, but I genuinely understand. I am here to deeply listen and guide you towards healing.
Examples of this behaviour may include:
staring or leering
unnecessary familiarity, such as deliberately brushing up against you or unwelcome touching
suggestive comments or jokes
insults or taunts of a sexual nature
intrusive questions or statements about your private life
displaying posters, magazines or screen savers of a sexual nature
sending sexually explicit emails or text messages
inappropriate advances on social networking sites
accessing sexually explicit internet sites
requests for sex or repeated unwanted requests to go out on dates
behaviour that may also be considered to be an offence under criminal law, such as physical assault, indecent exposure, sexual assault, stalking or obscene communications.
If you need someone to talk to please contact this website.
The Toxic Reality of Stonewalling
<b>When the sociopath stonewalls you</b>
When the sociopath stonewalls you
Stonewalling
stonewallingcontempt
stonewalling
by Steve Becker, LCSW • Lovefraud.com
silent treatmentstonewallingstonewallsilent treatmentsilent treatmentsilent treatment
Stonewalling is when someone shuts you down from communicating. He just “bails” on your efforts at communication, refuses to take you seriously; refuses to engage a discussion of your concerns. He may ignore or dismiss you, express fatigue with you (and your concerns); he may listen without offering a thoughtful, respectful response, and then credit himself for having listened.
In any case, his unthoughtful, lazy, dismissive, or flat-out non-response to your feelings and concerns captures the essence of stonewalling and will reflect his pure contempt for which he’ll take no responsibility.
Rather, he may depict you as a boring windbag who doesn’t know when to “stop talking,” or who’s always making or looking for “trouble,” without recognizing or owning how his insistent refusal to listen, his determination NOT to listen, actually provokes, passive-aggressively, your very instinct to “talk” and “pursue him” until he gives a meaningful response. If you do persist, he may complain to others that he is being “harassed” for no reason, pointing out that he is doing “nothing” to you.
He may flat-out tell you he’s bored by, and uninterested in the concerns you raise, regardless of how strongly you feel about them, and regardless of how strong your need to discuss them is. It may be that the more urgency you feel to broach your concerns, the more he’ll contemptuously stonewall you.
His rebuff will feel cruel and leave you feeling especially helpless. It will also very likely be dripping with some form of passive-aggressive, if not aggressive, contempt.
Now this is stonewalling, and stonewalling is a nasty, hurtful thing to do to someone; it leaves the stonewalled party feeling as negated as a person can feel.
You don’t have to be a sociopath to stonewall. Plenty of non-sociopaths stonewall. But many sociopaths are stonewallers, and the act of stonewalling itself contains the cold, callous attitude of the sociopath.
The stonewaller’s absence of empathy for the stonewalled party, perhaps even the relish the stonewaller takes in messing with the stonewalled party’s head, in watching her twist and squirm and perhaps make humiliating efforts and bids to be heard—there can be something actually sadistic about this.
Stonewalling will tend to elicit some common feelings in the stonewalled party—among them shame, anger, rage, infuriation, humiliation, desperation (to be heard), helplessness, and a sense of being driven crazy.
Stonewalling, then, is a form of “gaslighting” insofar as it can leave the stonewalled party feeling as if she’s speaking a foreign language inaccessible to the stonewaller even though she knows perfectly well the stonewaller speaks the language, literally, but either refuses to speak it or “acts” like he doesn’t.
This can have a “crazy-making” effect, as if he’s accusing her (as he may very well do) of speaking incomprehensibly.
Stonewallers, whether sociopaths or not, are seriously disturbed communicators. Their indifference to the stonewalled party’s experience, as noted, can be chilling. Their stonewalling often reflects character pathology, in which case they won’t change—they will always be stonewallers.
Stonewallers are destructive people and it’s best to avoid them for your sanity’s and dignity’s sake. I make this strong suggestion where the stonewaller refuses to assume total and genuine responsibility for his stonewalling, which is too often the case.
You need to stop banging your head against the “wall” (the pun is apt) trying to reach the stonewaller, because he is not reachable. Futility is what you are left feeling again and again, until you feel depressed and hopeless. The futility is not in your head. It is real, and will always be the experience with the stonewaller, who disowns responsibility for the suffering his stonewalling causes you.
Identify the stonewalling people in your life; if they can’t, or won’t, take charge of their stonewalling, get them out of your life as best, completely and fast as you can.
By Steve Becker, LCSW. Use of the male gender pronoun was strictly for convenience and not to imply that females aren’t capable of the behaviors and attitudes discussed.
SilentTreatment2
Mental Health Issues (Suicide) in the Construction Industry
https://www.constructionnews.co.uk/best-practice/mind-matters/leaders-shocked-by-cns-mental-health-findings/10019335.article
Leaders ‘shocked’ by CN’s mental health findings
Industry leaders have demanded urgent action on tackling mental health in the industry after “shocking” results in CN’sMind Matters survey showed a quarter of people working in construction have considered suicide.
CN’s industry-wide survey found that more than a quarter of construction employees said they had considered taking their own life, rising to one in three among junior members of staff and graduates.
In addition, one in seven have known a colleague who has taken their own life.
Have you ever considered taking your own life?
Dozens of survey respondents who said they had considered suicide said the reason they did not turn to their employer was due to “fear and stigma”.
Another respondent said: “It’s not comfortable discussing this with my employer, plus I would fear for my job and I need to work.”
Several respondents also said they could not go to their employer for help because they were themselves the employer.
The research also revealed that 55 per cent of construction workers had experienced mental health issues and 41 per cent had experienced these issues at their current place of work.
This is more than double the national average. According to mental health charity Mind, one in four people across the UK will experience a mental health issue each year and one in six people will have that experience at their current place of work.
More on the Mind Matters findings
- Analysis – What the survey reveals about construction’s mental health
- Results in full – check out all the Mind Matters survey’s revelations
- ‘Behind every number, there is a person’ – Carillion’s CEO talks to CN
Stigma surrounding mental health was highlighted in the survey with 82 per cent saying there is a taboo surrounding the issue in construction and many of those who have suffered admitting they had done so in silence.
A third (29 per cent) had taken time off work due to stress/mental health issues, but only 32 per cent of these respondents told their employer the real reason for their absence.
One survey respondent said: “I begrudge having to book a week off work on holiday so I don’t have to announce to my line manager that I’m stressed/depressed. My line manager just thinks I’m slacking off work because there is no physical evidence of me being ill.”
Get support
- Construction Industry Helpline0345 605 1956– managed and funded by the Lighthouse Construction Industry Charity
- Mind, the mental health charity0300 123 3393– provides advice and support to anyone experiencing a mental health problem
- The Samaritans116 123– confidential 24-hour support for people who are experiencing feelings of distress, despair or suicidal thoughts
The results have led to industry leaders calling for urgent action on tackling mental health issues in the construction industry including chief executives from the UK’s largest construction companies.
Senior leaders from companies including Bam Nuttall and Robertson Group this week told CN about their own experiences with family members who have had mental health illnesses, while leaders from rail, highways and residential sectors have called for urgent action on mental health awareness.
ISG chief executive Paul Cossell said the results “add further hard data to the growing body of evidence that the construction industry has to address mental health issues with far greater rigour”.
He said: “This is an overwhelmingly people-based industry, and while great strides have been taken to protect our employees from physical harm, it is clear we have to redouble our efforts in addressing mental health issues.”
Have you ever experienced mental health issues?
Long description.
Structure.
Chart graphic.
Bam Construct UK health and safety director Andrea Singh described the results as “shocking”, while Robertson chief operating officer Derek Shewan called on the government to intervene.
He said: “In the old days of rough, tough construction work, people would tend to ignore it. But this is not acceptable. We need to be addressing it and the survey results are concerning.”
Ms Singh said: “The statistics are high and higher than national averages. But I’m not surprised due to the nature and make-up of our industry. Construction is male-dominated and men tend to be less comfortable disclosing mental health.”
In January this year, Construction News vowed to make mental health awareness one of its core themes for 2017 with the launch of its editorial campaign, Mind Matters.
Bullying Series Part 9: Is What You Perceive True?
We make decisions on the basis of what we perceive. To become really effective in life we have to question our perceptions and use this power to perceive in a way that expands possibilities. We can learn to use creativity in a way that breaks us out of boxes. It is fantastic for differentiation and innovation.
Enjoy.
Ombudsmen Should Provide a Safe and Impartial Space
https://www.linkedin.com/pulse/safe-space-how-does-benefit-employees-mervyn-malamed
In my experience I have come across an Ombudsman that was unaware of how important neutrality is in a dispute. He was asked to talk informerly which he declined. He was asked to deal with a infringement of OH&S in relation to senior management, which he ignored (no response). He was asked to provide closure in a conflict, which he declined. He was asked to review a case, he didn’t respond. He appeared to be working in a colleagial relationship with management. This taught me the importance of impartiality and natural justice in workplaces. Without it nepotism can thrive. Justice in truth is to be fair, if an organisation is biased or unfair people lose trust in authority and realise they are not valued equally. This is when discord and conflict arises. If there is no safe space where a disputant can go, then they become isolated.
For many, work is equated with survival. Perceived threats to one’s livelihood can induce a whole host of fearful reactions which may have more to do with our ‘fight or flight’ instinct than the situation in which we find ourselves; this is where the OO comes in…
Sometimes, all that is required is a bit of clarity on an issue and a fresh and unbiased perspective. Workplace matters don’t necessarily require formal administrative intervention. OOs are meant to complement formal dispute resolution structures, not replace them; through providing an objective ear, unclouded by emotion, in a ‘bully proof’ space; OOs enable employees to air their grievances without fear of retaliation.
If required, an OO will present an employee with a few behavioural techniques which are more conducive to effectively handling small disagreements as they arise. In most cases it is possible to resolve issues from a grassroots level. This saves capital and frees up time for the task at hand. It also serves to empower staff into taking matters into their own hands. This raises general confidence levels thus positively influencing work morale.
Many employees are reluctant to pursue formal channels within their work environment due to a potential conflict of interest and consequent fear of reprisal. On occasion, it’s helpful to understand what your options are and explore potential consequences before carrying out an official plan of action.
How many times have you failed to address an issue or concern at work in fear of appearing ignorant or inciting anger in those whom you deem to hold more power?
What are your options?
How do you explore them?
Silence is the Residue of Fear
It is important to foster cultures of openness. Silence is the residue of fear. Bullying can only thrive in silence. It is important that people connect to conscience and to speak up when situations prove dangerous to others.
Here is an inspiring TED talk. May it inspire you to encourage truthfulness as work. That of course is the core of our democracy and leads to harmony at work and successful businesses.