World’s Next Top Mediation Model
The World’s Next Top Mediation Model
I estimate it took me 5 years of trying until I fully embraced the transformative perspective. I had started out mediating by assuming my job was to uncover underlying interests, then help both sides figure out how to get as much of what they wanted as possible, and help them accept that they couldn’t get everything they wanted. When I started mediating, I saw hostility and distrust between the parties as impediments to a solution, but they didn’t hold much interest beyond that. Now that I see things from the transformative perspective, that hostility and distrust are where the action is.
To help clarify this change of focus, I’ll walk through how we explore it in transformative mediation trainings. In our basic mediation courses, we start by asking participants to think back to the worst conflict they’ve been involved in, to focus on the worst moment of that conflict, and to describe what was so bad about that worst moment. Common answers include that they felt powerless, out-of-control, overwhelmed, less competent than usual, as if they were talking to a brick wall, misunderstood, and shocked that the other person could act this way.
From there we distill those experiences down to their essences. We say that many of the words used, such as powerless, out-of-control, overwhelmed, and less competent, can be understood as variations on a sense of relative “weakness” – and we say that such concepts as brick wall, misunderstood, and shocked at the other’s behavior can be distilled down to “self-absorption”. (Self-absorption is always hard for people to cop to – so we point out that when one is feeling weak and vulnerable it’s entirely understandable that one would be less able to empathize, less understanding, and less compassionate. It’s natural that, compared to our usual state, we’re self-absorbed at those worst moments.).
Next we describe the vicious cycle that these experiences create within us. We notice that in those worst conflict moments we don’t know what to do, so we focus intensely on that, as we focus on that, we remain less able to pay attention to or understand the other person, as we continue to deal with this person we don’t understand, we feel weaker than ever, and so on. And when you add to the mix that the other person may be caught in the same vicious cycle, a vivid picture emerges of what we call the “Destructive Conflict Cycle”. I suggest that we’re all familiar with examples of the Destructive Cycle in our own lives, and we’re aware of extreme examples in stories of litigation that costs far more than either side can hope to gain, in suicide bombings, and in murder-suicides. In all of these stories, the desperate efforts to regain a sense of power can destroy both the other party and oneself.
From there we talk about what an improvement to that Destructive Cycle would look like. We say that a sense of strength would be an improvement over a sense of weakness. And, on the other side of the equation, the ability to be responsive to the other party would be an improvement over being self-absorbed (sometimes participants object, saying that when the other party is pure evil, responsiveness is not an improvement – to which we reply that, at the very least, it’s preferable to be able to deal with evil effectively, as opposed to in a way that only hurts ourselves – in extreme cases, responsiveness may mean clarity that we need to end our dealings with the other party – in other cases it may turn out that the other side wasn’t quite as evil as they seemed). We call the movement from weakness to strength the Empowerment Shift; and we call the progress from self-absorption to responsiveness the Recognition Shift.
The next step in the training is to gain a deeper grasp of what empowerment shifts and recognition shifts look like. Often by observing a transformative mediation demonstration, we see parties become calmer and clearer (Empowerment Shift) and we see them turn toward each other and genuinely listen (Recognition Shift). We notice that Empowerment Shifts can manifest themselves in clearer articulation of needs, in a new idea emerging, or in focusing on a new topic that seems important. We see that Recognition Shifts take the form of acknowledging some truth in the other party’s perspective, in offering suggestions that address the other party’s concerns, in expressing appreciation of the other party, and in proposing viable solutions.
Once we’ve become clear about what these shifts look like; and once we’ve gained confidence that these sorts of shifts can and do happen, we turn our attention to how a mediator can be most helpful in facilitating them.
-Dan Simon
Mediate Workplace Bullying
http://www.transformativemediation.org/workplace-bullying-why-not-mediate-it/
Workplace Bullying: Why not Mediate it?
Guest blogger, Quebec Mediator, John Peter Weldon, describes promising developments taking place in Canada. He tells how Quebec’s response to workplace bullying is gradually evolving from a legalistic one to a transformative one, often leading to more helpful and lasting results at a far lower cost.
Would you be prepared to sit down in mediation with a work supervisor or fellow employee against whom you have felt obliged to lodge a complaint of workplace bullying or psychological harassment, or with someone who has made an unwelcome and perhaps unjustified complaint of that nature against you?
Now that Quebec’s anti-workplace bullying legislation, commonplace in Europe but a first in North America, has paved the way for similar laws to be passed in Saskatchewan, British Columbia and Ontario, Canadians in the workplace are coming up with different answers to that very question.
The 2004 amendments to Quebec’s Act respecting Labour Standards (“ALS”) defines psychological harassment as: “any vexatious behaviour in the form of repeated and hostile or unwanted conduct, verbal comments, actions or gestures, that affects an employee’s dignity or psychological or physical integrity and that results in a harmful work environment for the employee.” Additionally, “a single incidence of such behaviour that has a lasting harmful effect may also constitute psychological harassment.”
The overall stated objective of the ALS is to prevent psychological harassment, and where it is seen to be taking place, to put a stop to it. Failure to do so entails serious consequences for the employer. The ALS requires that the employer act with prudence and diligence, and take all reasonable measures to both protect the workplace from any harassment and to quickly put an end to it where it exists.
In order to avoid the range of sanctions for management inaction set out in the law, including reinstatement of the complainant, recovery of any wages lost, punitive and moral damages, reimbursement for the cost of psychological help, and modifying the complainant’s disciplinary record, employers initially took an exclusively legalistic approach to dealing with complaints.
This generally meant instigating a potentially long and complex adversarial process. In a first step, the complaint is reviewed to determine whether the facts alleged, if proven, could constitute the infraction of harassment. If on the face of the complaint, a case can be made out, an investigator is called in to interview the immediate parties, as well as others having witnessed the alleged behavior, in order to determine if the complaint has been substantiated. In the event of a negative determination by the investigator, it can be contested by the complainant in a subsequent hearing, either before the Labor Relations Board (for non-unionized personnel) or before a labor arbitrator (for union members).
Results of this initial legalistic approach have provoked a considerable degree of dissatisfaction within both management and the workforce. Since it is the employer who has the onus under the law to take all reasonable measure to prevent or end harassment, it follows that the financial cost of the initial review, investigation, and arbitration is to be borne by the employer. Although management can feel vindicated that only a small number of Quebec’s average 2,000 harassment complaints filed annually are determined to constitute harassment in the eyes of the law, the expense incurred to attain these findings is seen as a serious ongoing burden.
For the complainant and respondent, as well as for others in the workplace impacted by the bullying complaint, a determination or finding that the alleged behavior falls, or as in most cases, does not fall under the legal definition of harassment, doesn’t in itself help to redress the disturbed workplace environment. It can in fact, despite intentions to the contrary, provide the opposite result.
Where a complaint is proven, the respondent, if he or she has not been fired, will often continue to bear a stigma; so too, paradoxically, can a successful complainant. Where a complaint has been dismissed, the unlucky complainant can be scapegoated, and, despite being cleared of allegations, a respondent can still be surrounded by an aura of suspicion.
Whatever the outcome, the delays involved, up to 16 months for a formal hearing before a labor arbitrator, make for a situation where things can go from bad to worse for all concerned, not least for the complainant. Moreover, co-workers generally resent being obliged to testify one against the other in investigations and hearings, with the result that animosities can harden, fissures widen, and opposing clans crystallize.
Since all these factors do not make for a healthy and productive workforce despite the considerable investment in time, energy and money involved, management and unions in Quebec are looking more and more to mediation in order to fulfill their legal obligation to take all reasonable measures to prevent and put an end to workplace harassment.
We know that there are various approaches to mediation, including evaluative, facilitative and transformative models, to name the three major tendencies in North American practice. Each proceeds from its own principles, giving rise to its own practices, all of which have a direct bearing on the appropriate mediation choice for dealing with complaints of workplace bullying.
In transformative mediation, mediators specially trained in non-directive communication techniques accompany participants in an open-ended conversation allowing them to discuss what each one considers important for them to be understood and to understand the other party, gaining in the process enhanced self-empowerment and inter-party recognition. Developing these twin capacities within the mediation conversation enables participants to transform the quality of their interaction, from negative and destructive to positive and constructive, permitting not only a clarification of the underlying conflict situation, but the emergence, wherever possible, of acceptable and lasting outcomes.
Ariane Bilheran, French psychologist and author on harassment issues, recently wrote me to indicate that where systematic “programmed destruction” of another person has been attempted, mediation should not be proposed so as not to put the victim at further risk. As a transformative mediator active in this field, I would take a different view. Rather than supplanting party choice by taking options off the table beforehand, I would prefer to leave that decision in the hands of the parties themselves in accordance with the basic principle of party self-determination.
Safety measures may be set up between the complainant and mediator, such as staggering participants’ arrival and departure times to avoid confrontations outside the mediation room. In a transformative setting, each participant holds a veto power over the way in which the conversation is to be conducted, backed up by the power to withdraw at any time from the process. If a participant becomes uncomfortable or feels that the other participant has crossed a line, he or she can request a private meeting with the mediator, where a response can be rehearsed to put the other participant on notice that if the unwelcome conduct continues, participant will end the session or terminate the mediation. Through this process of self-regulation, no participant is ever forced to take part in something that does not suit him or her.
Provided the complainant has been able to gain a clear understanding of the various approaches to mediation and has had the opportunity to compare the chosen type of mediation to adjudication, with its inevitable delays, stresses and disturbance of the workforce, that person decides, for his or her own reasons, that mediation is at least worth a try, should that party then be denied the power of choice?
John Peter Weldon is a Canadian mediator and attorney, practicing in the French-speaking province of Quebec. After a 15-year career in civil and criminal litigation, he started mediating in 1993 with the transformative model described in The Promise of Mediation in mind. After mediating civil and family matters for 15 years, he began specializing in workplace mediation and in 2009, developed a course on Mediating Complaints of Workplace Bullying: A Transformative Approach for the Quebec Bar, which he teaches regularly in Montreal, as well as in Aix-en Provence. John Peter founded the Reseau pour une approche transformative du conflit in 2011 to support French-speaking professionals trained in the transformative approach. An Adjunct Professor of Mediation at the Hofstra University School of Law, he co-taught the 40-hour intensive Transformative Mediation, Principles and Practice training with Professors Baruch Bush and Jody Miller in 2012.
-Dan Simon
Senior Executive Speaks Out About Bullying
http://www.chathamdailynews.ca/2015/02/19/dresden-native-andrew-faas-has-penned-the-bullys-trap
Dresden native Andrew Faas has penned ‘The Bully’s Trap’ 12
By Ellwood Shreve, Chatham Daily News
Andrew Faas, left, author of The Bully’s Trap, signs a book for Geri Lyn Wilson, of Blenheim, Ont. after giving a presentation on bullying in the workplace in Chatham, Ont. on Thursday February 19, 2015, organized by the Foundation of Chatham-Kent Health Alliance. Ellwood Shreve/Chatham Daily News/QMI Agency
Andrew Faas knows all about bullying in the workplace – because he used to be one.
Today, he’s a leading advocate to combat the issue, which can debilitating psychological and physical impacts on employees.
The Dresden native, who is author of ‘The Bully’s Trap,’ discussed the topic of bullying in the workplace on Thursday in Chatham during a Lunch & Learn session presented by the Foundation of Chatham-Kent Health Alliance.
Faas recalled that early in his career working for Loblaws that a senior executive came into his office to ask his advice about how to handle a young manager who bullied people into getting things done.
“I’d fire the SOB,” Faas recalls telling the executive.
He never suspected the response would be: “The problem, my son, is the young SOB I’m talking about is you.”
Faas said it become his most important lesson in leadership, which led to him becoming the youngest vice-president of Loblaws, where he worked for 23 years.
“I learned that motivating out of respect, rather than motivating out of fear, is far more effective.”
Faas was also the victim of bullying when he blew the whistle on a corrupt executive, which included such aggressive actions as having his e-mail and phone hacked and receiving an anonymous death threat.
He said this had a horrible psychological and physical impact on him.
Faas credits the intervention of others around him who recognized his deterioration and helped him to confront the situation.
“Most people, I have discovered are not as fortunate,” he said, adding this experience became the catalyst for writing ‘The Bully’s Trap.’
He has discovered everyone seems to have a story to tell of either them or someone close to them being targeted by a workplace bully.
While there has been much media coverage of bullying in schools, Faas said there has been scant attention give to the issue of bullying in the workplace.
He noted a major difference with workplace bullying is the bullies are often vested with power and control.
He believes workplace bullies are “masters of deflection, deception and manipulation,” and the reason they bully is because they can.
Geri Lyn Wilson of Blenheim was among those who attended the event and purchased Faas’ book.
“I know it’s an issue in many workplaces and it’s important for people to know there is support out there,” she said.
Wilson added bullying could also be happening in your personal life as well.
When asked by The Chatham Daily News about the reaction of the corporate world to him shining this kind of light on such an issue, Faas said: “In most cases they say, ‘It may go on elsewhere, but it doesn’t go in my environment.’”
He added that usually the reason corporations give this response is they are not getting the information they need.
In many cases, corporations have the processes in place to gather information, such as reviews and employee surveys, “but there’s such a disconnect from what they get from that and what the reality is.”
He added the reason is in most cases, people are afraid to even a fill a form expressing what really goes on.
Faas said he has worked with companies that get the message about dealing with bullying.
He is working on developing a psychologically safe workplaces program to raise awareness about the impact bullying has on the mental health of employees.
“Bullying is a systemic issue the requires a systemic resolution,” Faas said.
Declining Health and Bullying
It is in the powerlessnes of the target that a person bullying instinctively notices. It is at the point where the person is vulnerable that another can derive a sense of power. Thus work with the target is essential as part of an overall strategy of dealing with bullying.
Workplace bullying a vicious circle
Bullying at work grinds victims down and makes them an ‘easy target’ for further abuse according to new research from the University of East Anglia.
A study published today reveals a ‘spiral’ of abuse in which the victims of bullying become anxious, leaving them less able to stand up for themselves and more vulnerable to further harassment.
The research suggests that employers should not only crack down on workplace bullies, but also help victims gain the skills to cope with difficult situations.
Dr Ana Sanz Vergel, from UEA’s Norwich Business School, said: “This study shows that the relationship between workplace bullying and the psychological impact on victims is much more complex than expected.
“Examples of Bullying at work include harassing, offending, or socially excluding someone repeatedly over a period of around six months.
“Workplace bullying leads to poor health because the victim is exposed to a very stressful situation – resulting in anxiety and lack of vigour. We wanted to see whether deteriorated health could make the employee an easy target for bullying. For example, the victim may have less energy to respond to difficult situations and therefore receive less support from colleagues or supervisors.
“Another explanation is the so-called ‘gloomy perception mechanism’ in which anxious employees may evaluate their environment more negatively.”
The research team, which included colleagues from the Complutense University and Autonomous University of Madrid in Spain, tested their theory on 348 Spanish employees. Participants were interviewed about their experiences of bullying and assessed for anxiety and vigour.
Dr Sanz Vergel said: “We found that being exposed to workplace bullying leads to deteriorated mental health and decreased well-being. But at the same time, showing anxious behaviour puts the victim in a weak position and makes them an easy target – leading to a spiral of abuse.
“We are by no means victim-blaming here. Clearly employers need to have strong policies against workplace bullying. But training programmes to help victims learn coping mechanisms could help to break the vicious cycle.”
‘Reciprocal relations between workplace bullying, anxiety and vigor: a two-wave longitudinal study’ is published in Anxiety, Stress & Coping: An International Journal.
Image: David Wall (Flickr)
University of East Anglia – Communications Office
Psychological Assault Verdict a First in Finland
Court of Appeals convicts Timo Räty of workplace bullying
The Court of Appeals has ordered Timo Räty, the former director of the Transport Workers’ Union AKT, to pay fines for assaulting the Union’s Communications Director Hilkka Ahde. The Court also found Räty guilty of two occupational safety offenses. The verdict constitutes a landmark decision in Finnish legal history.
The Court found Räty guilty of assault. In practical terms, the former AKT leader was found guilty of psychological violence. As such, the Court of Appeals came to a similar decision as that made by the Helsinki District Court one year ago in January, when it sentenced Räty to 80 days’ worth of fines for assault and occupational safety offenses, and ordered him to pay a fine of 2,080 euros.
The District Court also ordered AKT and its former director to pay an additional 12,000 euros to Hilkka Ahde, to compensate for the mental duress and temporary disability she suffered. The Court of Appeals also upheld this conviction.
According to the District Court, Räty was guilty of assaulting Ahde over a period of six years by humiliating her in public, shouting at her, and even refusing to talk to her in the end. The District Court concluded that all this amounted to psychological violence.
Court: Räty acted deliberately
Echoing the District Court, the Helsinki Court of Appeals also said that Räty had harmed the health of Ahde in ways that fitted the definition of assault. Ahde had taken sick leave for the first time in December 2008. According to the Court of Appeals, by this point Räty must have realized that his behaviour was harming Ahde’s health. Even so, Räty did not change his ways, and stopped communicating entirely with Ahde in 2009.
The Court notes that Räty maintained his behaviour even after being contacted by occupational health care and Regional State Administrative Agencies about his treatment of Ahde. This showed that Räty had acted deliberately, and that he must have realised that his actions were most probably harming Ahde’s health.
First conviction for psychological assault in Finland
The District Court and Court of Appeals assault verdict is the first in Finland given for psychological violence, according to District Prosecutor Tuire Tamminiemi. An assault sentence has never been handed out in Finland for psychological violence occurring in an occupational – or any other – setting.
Tamminiemi is happy with the Court of Appeals verdict, which she sees as significant in areas of occupational safety and violent crime.
“People will become aware that workplace bullying cases can, and should be raised,” notes the prosecutor.
Hilkka Ahde was very happy with the Court of Appeals decision, according to her lawyer Mika Kivikoski.
Do You Feel Inner Peace?
Brian Carroll
Leadership Development, Corporate Training, Management Coach, Psychologist, Interview Coach
May peace be with you …. And is it?
“May peace be with you” – what beauty is expressed through these gentle words.
The experience of inner peace is something that many of us search for throughout our lives, particularly in a world that seems so chaotic at times.
Many of us yearn to get away from the turmoil and turbulence brought about by constant change and uncertainty in the workplace, Other times we wish we could escape from the tension and conflict that seems to erupt in our relationships.
Moments of peacefulness
We may have moments however, when we catch a fleeting glimpse of what it feels like to be calm and tranquil – to experience the feeling of trust and faith that all will be well. And that there is no need for struggle – for all will eventually work out in the end.
But for many of us, it seems these moments pass all too quickly.
What about you – is there a sense of peacefulness within you? ……. Or too often, do you feel there tends to be discord, dis-contentment, or anxiety about what the future may hold, that distances you from feeling peace with your world? Are you able to accept who you are and where you are – whilst also accepting the people around you for who they are?
Let’s strip away from this question any potential religious inferences and instead reflect upon what peace means to you in your life ……. And consider how you might be able to experience a more pervasive and deeper feeling of peace – to the benefit of yourself, your family and your community.
Too many times, my eyes are closed
Perhaps you may be like me …. There are occasions when I feel relaxed and care-free, and know what it means to have peace within. These tend to be those times when I’ve stopped rushing and instead have been “in the moment”, in the here-and-now.
For example, often in the evenings I’ll go for a jog around the local park, and then for the cool down, just walk around the lake there, when I’ve finished my exercise. While I’m walking, my mind will sometimes wander and I find myself thinking about work and the different tasks that I still need to complete and phone calls I need to make for the following day. Or I might think about a recent argument that I’ve had with one of our teenage kids – telling myself how unreasonable they’ve been. Or my mind might even wander to some of the bills we’ve got lying around on the kitchen table that needs to be paid. … I walk around engrossed in my own world, totally oblivious to the wonders around me.
Any yet there have been other times when I have walked around that same park …and I’ve heard the birds joyfully singing …… I have smelled the fresh fragrance of the trees and flowers around me. I’ve paused to admire the sunset and the stillness of the lake, with the water sparkling like diamonds. I will sit down on the park-bench absolutely entranced by the beauty and soft colours of the sunset. And it’s in those moments when I’ve taken a deep breath and realised how trivial and petty were some of the troubles that I’d been carrying around with me……
It would seem in those magical moments that my worries would simply melt away.
And as I let go of these worries and release these inner burdens, that’s when I will quite often re-connect with a feeling of serenity – and my spirit becomes refreshed.
But here’s the point I’m trying to make …… The park, the lake, the birds, the trees, the flowers, the colours … they’re always there when I walk. And yet there are too many times when I’m failing to appreciate this beauty – I close my eyes and my heart.
Controlling chatter of the mind
So the lesson I’m gradually learning is how to recognise and control some of the internal chatter of the mind. I’m experiencing a greater awareness during my evening walks in the park – and aiming to transfer this mindfulness to wider parts of my life …… In doing so, I am slowly becoming more capable of being “in the moment”– neither worrying nor stressing about the future, nor regretting what I may have done in the past.
Ceasing the need to strive for something better – and accepting in that moment where I am, who I am and what I have.
Not letting my thoughts wander to times where I believe that others have “wronged me” …… for such feelings of anger can become toxic and will simply pull me further away from any hope of experiencing serenity within.
What inspires you and brings you peace?
Once you identify these “bringers” of peace and contentment for yourself, then you can allocate more time and space in your life for these precious moments.
Are there particular quotes, poems, prayers or stories that ease the tension in your mind and uplift your spirit? …. Are there certain people in your world that make you smile and bring with them a happiness and joyfulness into your day? ….. What are those things in your life for which you feel a sense of gratitude …Perhaps there are particular songs or music that bring peacefulness and help to soothe your soul?
And it’s not just you who will benefit
As you begin to discover a deeper sense of peacefulness in your life, so too will come the faith that you have a purpose.
Without even trying, you will become an example and provide inspiration to others around you. The calmness and quiet faith you radiate will help bring out the best in the people that come into contact with you. Whether this is in the workplace, in your community or in your home – all of your relationships will gradually become a reflection of the peace, contentment and harmony that you have discovered lies within yourself.
And so, in closing let me sincerely say … May peace be with you, my friend
This is extracted from a post I wrote and published at my blog – www.PerformanceDevelopmentAustralia.com
Bullying in Politics
I am from Canberra and used to sit in Parliament listening and observing. At the time I was developing a Children’s Circle Parliament which was non adversarial but focused on problem solving, collaboration, conflict resolution and solutions (possibilities). I was very concerned with the lack of respect in this setting, and indeed it appeared at times to be bullying as words were used to hurt repeatedly. I was very conscious of children watching from the public gallery. I wonder what message they drew from the behaviour of people perceived as leaders. Would children think bullying was okay and regard this as role modelling power (strength). I hoped they would feel put off, as I did.
I would like to see the bullying legislation (OH&S legislation, Crimes Act, Victoria) applied in the Federal and State Goverment Question Time forums and in the workplace. I understand they operate under parliamentary privilege but my understanding is that the reason for this is to enable the truth to come out that is of national importance. Bullying is a mental health and criminal issue and in my view immunity should not be afforded in cases that are clearly bullying, as this stifles democracy and can destroy lives. It is not dissimilar in my view to reporting abuse such as child abuse, we have an obligation to take action on behaviour that can cause suicide. Still we haven’t understood the reality of bullying. My hope is overtime more and more people speak up and we start to tackle this problem that is so entrenched in our culture.
Here is an article on the Australian Greens website about bullying.
http://greens.org.au/node/7076
We shouldn’t have to sacrifice our privacy to save a failing Prime Minister
Thursday, Feb 5th, 2015
Media Statement
Greens spokesperson for Communications
Senator for WA Scott Ludlam
February 5, 2015
This morning Tony Abbott attempted to sidetrack the public debate from his leadership meltdown by bullying Labor into supporting his mass-surveillance legislation, which will indiscriminately gather the private data of every Australian.
Greens communications spokesman Senator Scott Ludlam hoped no-one would be fooled by the clumsy attempt to look strong despite his weakness within his own party.
“The Prime Minister’s tactic of bullying the opposition and then leaking the letter to the media is a particularly graceless touch,” he said
“The Parliament’s committee system should be left alone to do its work. Setting a deadline for legislation to pass when the Parliament’s intelligence and senate standing committee is yet to report shows a complete lack of integrity.
“Abbott’s clumsy attempt to bully Shorten to enable ramming data retention laws through parliament should fool no one.
“We shouldn’t have to sacrifice our privacy to save a failing Prime Minister.”