The Bullying and Verbal Abuse of Gordon Ramsey
What is disturbing about watching this video is Gordon Ramsey’s style which is more akin to a Sargent Major in an army bootcamp than a Head Chef in a commercial kitchen. Yet within the psyche of this man is the belief that he is somehow helping people to excellence when in truth he is destroying their self esteem and if repeated this may lead to long term psychological injury. Abuse is about the intention to repeatedly hurt the other verbally or threatening physically to hurt them, this is violence in its many forms. In truth his anger (higher level) is a call for help as he is unable to deal with the stress of things not working out the way he thinks it should, he can’t cope with outcomes different from his beliefs and perceptions. He reflects a rigid mindset that has a strong vision of what he thinks it should be. As he continues this behaviour he is clearly unable to self reflect and question his verbal negativity within himself. The fact that people cannot produce what he is asking is the reality but he creates a context whereby he can offload his own anger and pain onto others under the guise of them failing to do the right thing or as he would like (please him). This anger may have started when he was young. I would suggest it definitely has. He has been bullied himself and he believes this is the way to get ahead in life. He has come from a culture and generation where this was this has been the norm in many families. You have to be tough to succeed would be his mantra and indeed, what he has been taught. He believes he is justified in abusing because he is the unquestioned Head Chef and he believes he is right.
Bullying in kitchens is common as it is a process where all have to work under pressure to get food out on time. They typically work long hours and there is a hierarchy. The Head Chef believes control is leadership and that he can control others, not unlike a totalitarian dictator. His statements are not challenged as the others feel they have to do as they are told. This is not a democracy of equal input. They feel powerless in his presence to defend themselves and this is definitely the setting for a toxic culture and possible suicide. If a person over a period of time is subject to this type of abuse their self esteem will erode as their identity is deconstructed. They will start to feel anxiety and fear making mistakes. After a time they will feel terrified to go to work as the feel psychologically and possibly physically threatened. The fear is likely to produce more mistakes as they focus more on mistakes not perfecting the process which the Head Chef believes he is motivating through fear. In truth he is creating more mistakes by pressuring and abusing people. It puts them on egg shells. If they depend on the money they will feel trapped in this job with no way out. They will comply 100% to make him happy to ensure they are not abused (safety) but they will find they will be abused, as abuse is how his pain body derives power.
Perfectionism is a character trait of bullying and it comes from a deep seated belief of not good enough. If it is extreme, as this film portrays, it reveals a man who is deeply powerless within himself to achieve what his mind believes he must achieve ‘excellence’. The pressure he puts on others he puts on himself and the abuse he projects is really what is coming from within himself. He would do this to himself. ‘Not good enough’ comes to me intuitively with this man. Never good enough yet seeking to reach perfection and constantly disappointed as he can’t do it and others are unable to reach this level. He is worthless in his mind. So he projects power to gain it and feel superior to justify his power over others. This is a classic profile of powerlessness parading as power and the negative harm psychologically of abuse. An example for trainers and teachers to share with staff when looking at verbal abuse and bullying.
So how could Gordon turn this around? Firstly it is unlikely he will change. He would have to be ready to stop given the pain he is feeling within. He is highly stressed. He has blocked or denied his behaviour and found reasons to justify why it is right. He believes he is right and will not accept any criticism, it reflects deep insecurity. This mindset if he has thought it a long time will be wired into the brain. He would have to have some sort of epiphany or life crisis or criticism to awaken him to the desire to change. It will be hard as all the abuse he has projected he would have to face and that is very painful. For those bullying it is easier to pretend they are right and believe it.
It is better for those working with him to make decisions about their self esteem, to find ways to inquire into their felt pain and negativity as a result of abuse and to be able to deflect such negative behaviour by laughing within and seeing it as not real. To realise that it is his problem and no matter who is in front of him he would abuse them. Abuse is not personal that is why much of his abuse is ‘fuck off’ (rejection) and critical comments. He believes he can remove the problem or blame someone for something not right get them out of his kitchen rather than change his mindset and deal with his own thoughts that believe he is right, they are wrong and he must be obeyed. This is what a dictatorship looks like. No respect for the feelings of others, no empathy and an attitude of ‘man up’ and ‘If you can’t handle the heat get out of the kitchen.’ That feels apt. He is totally insensitive to human rights, values, dignity and respect. These values are a foreign planet. His approach will absolutely destroy another psychologically if he senses any threat to his authority.
The law of attraction talks about a well stocked kitchen as a metaphor for life has everything in its kitchen. What you focus on you expand. So if there is something in the kitchen you don’t want the more you focus on it the more it is there. You attract the imperfection, the not good enough because that it the focus. The only way in reality to get something out of your kitchen (can’t in truth get rid of it) you simply do not focus on it. So he would learn to praise and focus on only what works not what doesn’t, the people in the kitchen would start to change as they would be wanting the praise so that would inspire them to try harder. The bootcamp approach is an old mindset of abuse coming from attitudes that say you have to scare people into change or excellence. It is not true.
If this behaviour happened here in Victoria, Australia he would be up for criminal proceedings giving the Bullying clause under the Stalking Act. Refer http://theconversation.com/bullies-beware-youre-now-stalkers-under-victorian-law-1767
People will applaud the way he spoke but the reality is that he uses bullying and intimidation to get what he wants and he believes he is right. He likes the power of having them on their toes. His put down with ‘kitchen donkey’ is a way of making her feel like she is an ass. Yet within Gordon is great rage as he projects his anger onto others yet it is with himself that he is angry. Yet denial keeps him in a space of aggression blaming others so he is justified in his abuse. He is the boss so he get’s away with it. He has great pain within and this is how it expresses. There is also issues in the staff who feel powerless, this is where stress and anxiety develops as they feel under attack and can’t defend themselves. Rather than bruises or wounds psychologically they are being attacked. It can’t be seen so they won’t find empathy around their suffering. Yet Ramsey is evoking in them pain which is from their past. The way through this is ‘to know thyself’ examine fear and move through it. If you need to cry then fully express the sorrow as it passes. People go into therapy as they rationalise away their pain and had no real role models to show them how to deal with their emotional triggers.
It is worth having a look at the Pain Body by Eckhart Tolle which will give insights into the pain body and will reveal why Gordon does what he does. Refer video: